


I Don't Care (scenes from the Bieber/Sheeran mpreg fic I refuse to actually write)

by PezraSheeber



Category: Ed Sheeran (Musician), Justin Bieber (Musician)
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, M/M, Monkeys, Mpreg, Tattoos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-17
Updated: 2019-12-19
Packaged: 2020-06-29 22:37:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19839937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PezraSheeber/pseuds/PezraSheeber
Summary: Ed and Justin are both too used to being the biggest star in the room to truly be friends, but when a game of gay chicken ends up getting Justin pregnant...  can they learn to put their similarities aside?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Everything I know about both Justin Bieber and Ed Sheeran is against my will, and as such, any similarities between the characters in this fic and any real personages can be nothing but coincidental. Please help me preserve the ignorance I have remaining.

They haven't talked to each other, besides the necessary waving in public, ever since the night they fooled around, so Ed is startled when he sees Justin's name pop up on his flip phone. He wonders what led the child star to call him, but there's only one way to find out, and so he picks up the phone.

"Justin?" He asks.

"Hi Ed," an unmistakable voice replies.

"Sup, bro?"

The silence on the other end goes longer than he'd have expected. The Justin Bieber he knows is always quick to reply, ready with a smile and a prank. The biggest star in the world, always shining bright.

"Biebs?" Ed tries again, knowing the nickname is bound to get a rise out of him.

"Haha, sorry," Justin has actually said the words Haha aloud, "I just still dont know how to tell you this, I guess."

Ed sets down the guitar he's been fiddling with while having the conversation. He wonders what Justin could have to say that requires this build up. Maybe it's something about their shared fame? Is Justin in jail again?

"I'm pregnant."

Oh. Apparently it's a prank. "Haha, good one, bro," Ed replies, wondering why his stomach suddenly feels so weird.

"It's not a prank, _Eddy_ ," Justin sounds pisses off in a way Ed hasn't heard in a long time. Not since he beat him for that award, "I can send you a doctor's note and everything."

"Oh." Ed Sheeran's stomach twists in a new and unfamiliar way, "is it mine?"

"Can't think of anyone else who's capable of getting me pregnant whose it could be," the Canadian replies testily.

"Oh," Ed repeats again, "are you keeping it?"

Justin's laugh doesnt sound like he thinks this is funny at all, "they're not even sure how I'm pregnant, Ed, they sure as hell arent going to risk any medical procedures on it."

"Okay then."

" _Okay_????" Justin repeats incredulously, and Ed can feel him starting to wind himself up into a rant that could someday be a song.

"Okay," the redhead repeats. "I'm into babies. We can make this work."

He's unsure if the sound on the other side of the call is laughing or sobbing, but he thinks it will all be okay regardless.


	2. Chapter 2

"I can't be a father!!!" Justin shouts, "they confiscated my monkey, Ed! There's no way I'm ready for this responsibility."

"Hey," Ed uses the voice he uses with frantic fans, and Taylor when someone's tweeted about her again, "it'll be fine, man."

Justin whirls on him, breathing heavily, "OR MAYBE THEY'LL CONFISCATE OUR BABY TOO, ED. DID YOU EVER THINK OF THAT?"

Ed had not. Sure, it's beyond unlikely that Justin somehow ended up pregnant in the first place, but they're both famous enough he doubts anyone can really pull any shit.


	3. Chapter 3

"I..." Ed wasn't quite sure how to say this, but Justin had been so vulnerable with him, he thought it was necessary, "I've never been in love before.

The Canadian was silent.

"Justin?" Ed finally managed to croak out.

"Sorry," Justin replied, "I just didn't think that was a secret."

"What???"

"I just mean like... _I'm in love with the Shape of You_?" Justin sighed, "You were obviously scraping the barrel with that one. I mean. It's a fine song, But lyrically?"

"From the man who brought us 'I'm missing more than your body'!" Ed explodes back at him.

"That's the point, Ed," Justin brings his hands down to rest on his belly, "Love is about more than just the physical."

Ed rolls his eyes, it's not like Justin's lyrics are really any deeper than his.

"I'm not saying I'm a relationship expert," Justin seems to have read his mind, "But I wouldn't be this famous if I hadn't managed to convince so many girls I _could_ be."

Ed wants to snap back that he's pretty famous himself, thank you very much. But the man is pregnant with his child, and the doctors did say to try to keep his stress levels down, so... "Fine," he sighs, "Teach me about love, then, oh wise one."

Justin grins a smile with too many teeth to be properly photogenic, and Ed feels his heart stutter, "Okay," he agrees, "I will."


	4. Chapter 4

"Ed, the baby is crying again."

"So?"

"So you're the one who wanted a baby!"

"You're the one who gave birth to it."

"Yeah, so I think I get to take a break from baby duty for the night."

"Ugh, fine," Ed rolls out of bed, to go look into the cradle.

Silence rings through the room, broken only by the sound of velcro.

"Nope, not the diaper."

"Has it eaten?"

"Bollocks. Can you breast feed?"

Justin blinks awake enough to glare at his husband, "I don't have breasts, Ed."

Ed grumbles under his breath, "Oh sure, you can give birth to a baby, but can't feed it," but luckily his grown up child star does not hear him.

"God," Justin flops back onto the pillows, "I wish I was Harry Styles."

"Baby," Ed abandons their baby, "How many times have I told you that if one of you is as popular as five of them, then he's only worth... He's worth less than you."

Justin removes the pillow from his face, and tosses it in the other's direction, "I just mean he has four nipples, so he's twice as likely to be able to produce milk."

"Oh," Ed didn't know that, "Might make you look like a cow though."

"Hey-!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote all of this so I could ask the most pressing question of our time: Harry Styles has FOUR nipples. Is he a member of the Triple Nipple Club?


End file.
